Obsessions

I found out yesterday....from a professional....that I have an eating disorder. What the hell is wrong with me and how come I dont want to fix it?? Normal people wouldnt want something like that to consume them, but I like the control. I didn't realize that you dont have to throw up or 100% starve yourself to have an eating disorder. Go figure. Apparently this is tied to how I see my self worth. It's true...and incredibly depressing. I am so down because someone professional called me out and labeled me...but no other reason. I dont want to fix it because that means that I might get fat and that means that I might be able to be happy with myself each time that I put on a size 0 or and xs label. I love myself and I hate myself all at the same time.