Friday, June 1, 2007
Prozac
The doctor has me on Prozac. He says that I am obviously clinically depressed and that needs some help. The Prozac is yet to enter my system. My stress reliever is exercise and that isn’t allowed. I won’t drink because of the extra calories. The problem is that I am experiencing SO MUCH anxiety related to me eating! My boyfriend is forcing me to eat….and not just eat something…eat heavy foods. He says that is what normal people do. I disagree. I think that it is somewhere in between. There is a whole big world of people out there who eat healthy. Once upon a time he was only making me eat one meal with him. Now he is trying to sneak in 2 heavy meals if the situation allows. In a way I resent that. He had a deal. The reason it is such an issue is because he needs to understand that I don’t just get fixed overnight. The amount of anxiety that I experience in preparation for eating that meal is unmanageable at times. This is specially true if it is food that I really would NEVER splurge on. I also suggested just being forced to eat half…but me makes me clear my plate. I can’t manage everyone’s expectations….his and my anorexic mind. It feels like too much to handle.
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2 comments:
Megan, I am brought to tears every time that I read one of your writings. I am there for you, you need to know that. Call me anytime of the day/night. I know what it feels like to have something completely take over your mind and lead you down a path that you do not want to enter. Remember that I suffer bad with my anxiety. Bad enough that sometimes it leads me to believe that I did not have control over my own body. But I found that control and I work through that anxiety everyday. This is something that may never disappear and you will constantly have to work at, but remember you are stronger that this disease. Continue to keep God in your life and pray every day for relief and help. He will answer your prayers just like he has answered mine many of times. I relapse all of the time. Consider the advice of the people around you, God may be trying to speak through them. Listen and you use the strength you have left to get better. If Utah is the answer, then take it and run with it and do what you need to do for your own sanity. You are strong willed. You may not be feeling it now, but believe me it shines through you everyday and in everyhting that you do and accomplish. I love you always and forever. Remember I am reading everyday and praying and crying with you everyday seeing you this and whatever else you need me for.
Jaclyn
Megan, Please know that my heart is breaking every time I sign onto your writings for the day. I suffer from the exact opposite thing that you have. I have been overweight my whole life. I have a wonderful husband who make me feel like I am the sexiest female on earth but there are times when I look in the mirror and wish I could have a couple of months of not being able to eat. I am under threats of Insulin because my blood sugar was so high the last time I went to the doctor. I have made up my mind to do my ultimate best to try to follow a food program. It is truly difficult as you well know that the majority of this family loves to eat. Please take what Jaclyn posted to heart and keep God in your life. Know that I pray for you daily. If you need to go to Utah, then do it. You are a strong and beautiful woman. I love you with all my heart. I am here any time of the day or night that you need. Love Nanny Kathy
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