Close Calls

Ever since it this all got bad I have had night sweats. Meaning....I wake up in the middle of the night or the next morning totally drenched with sweat. My sheets are wet, my pajamas are wet...if they are still on...and my skin is soaked. I never thought TOO much of it. I never thought that it was tied to my self starvation. I like to keep it warm in my apartment because I am always SOO COLD...I just assumed that was what it was from.

Turns out that it means that my glucose level dropped so low that I was on the verge of falling into a coma. I guess that means I had close calls 3-4 times a week for MONTHS. This was one of the things that I heard the loudest from the doctor.

I had another one two nights ago. I couldn't sleep for 2 hours after that due to fear.

I have been telling people that no matter what I hear from the doctor, I still am not internalizing how bad a physical condition I have put myself in. Just hearing it has done nothing to trigger my desire to indulge. I need physical evidence.

What happened two nights ago WAS physical evidence. In the middle of the night it scared the sh*t out of me. But has it REALLY affected me?? I guess not... Ive gotten better. I know I have...but it scares me to think that ALL THIS still isn't as powerful as the spider that I have sitting on my brain.