Wants and Wishes

I want to be happy.

I want to love myself completely.

I want control of my life back.

I want to internalize the extent of the damage I've done to my body.

I want my anorexic mind to release me of it's peril.

I want to accept the feeling of loneliness. The duplicitous balance of both complete extroversion and introversion can live harmoniously.

I want to learn to do things that make me happy.

I want to learn those things that DO make me happy.

I want to learn to lean on those who love me.

I want to learn to find confidence in the acceptance of my insecurities.

I want to stop searching for external validation from others and things.

I want to be able to run again.

I want to invest more in my friends and less in my romantic relationship with my ED.

I want to think of others as much as I consume myself with MYSELF.

I want to always be honest with myself.

I want to stop being scared and take down my walls.

I want to learn to let myself fall in love.

I want to take pride and invest in my work.

I want to learn balance between being in love with the idea of love and reality.

I want everyone to know how much I love them even when I don’t know how to show it.

I want to stop beating myself up about everything.

I want to learn to put others before myself more frequently.

I want to get closer to God. I want to get closer to God. I want to et closer to God.

I want to carry what I hear on Sunday past the doors of the church.

I want to not be so good at lying.

I want peace and sanity in my mind.

I want to make people feel as special as they make me feel.

I want to be closer to my non-immediate family.

I want to feel comfortable in my skin even if I am ten pounds heavier.

I want to forgive myself for my divorce and all my mistakes.

I want to internalize the fact that EVERYONE has made mistakes.

I want to start to learn more from them and stop repeating them.

I want to always be surrounded by those I love.

I want to have the ability to see something that looks good and just indulge.

I want to let go of the guilt I harbor for everything that I do.

I want to remember to pray and call at least one friend every day the same way I remember to brush my teeth.

I want people to think of me as the natural “go to” when they need comfort, love, and support.

I want to always just let go and be myself – no matter the situation.

I want to learn to always have fun….I AM a lot of fun!

I want to learn to own and love every facet of my being and personality.

I want to stop caring what others think.

I want to never again tweak myself to be what I think another wants.

I want to allow myself to be lazy sometimes.

I want to get closer to understanding myself and my life.

I want to stop trying to be someone that others like and just like myself.

I want to stop comparing myself to other women.

I want to stop looking to men for personal validation.

I want to believe that people love me for who I am, not what I look like.

I want to be better at cleaning my house and stop trying to hide the fact that I’m not.

I want to accept myself if I don’t ever get better at it.

I want to stop pretending to be someone I think is desirable to others.

I want to stop feeling like I need to make the bed everyday.

I want to stop obsessing in general.

I want to start drinking more water AND more beer.

I want to decrease the time I feel like I need to spend at the gym and increase the time I dedicate to spending with friends.

I want to cut myself some SLACK!

I want to listen to more music and watch less television.

I want to take more pictures and not care how I look in them.

I want to learn to let myself TRULY FEEL.

I want to stop feeling like I need to put on such a stoic front.

I want to give myself permission.

I want to face reality and the responsibilities of life a little better.

I want to stop feeling so accountable.

I want to stop being so idealistic so I stop always feeling so let down and discouraged.

I want to let go of the concept of perfection.

I want to eat more ice cream.

I want to learn to slow down and be patient.

I want to love my body.

I want to own my own life.

I want to stop settling.

I want to learn to settle a little more.

I want to finally admit that honesty with myself and others is always feels better in the end.

I want to admit that I have a problem and be ok with getting help.

I want to use this list to take a second stab at my life.

I want to forgive myself if I forget half of the things on this list in that process.

I want to stop perfecting this list....the fact that I have revisited it so many times is so indicative of my perfectionist nature.